Life is change...

Life is change; and change is Hard. In the last year and a half my life has been tossed about. I lost my wife Kelly in May of '08. I dropped my motorcycle, breaking my arm in the process that October. Six months ago I lost the house Kelly and I built, then at the beginning of November I lost my dog, Finley. That was the hard stuff, the stuff I wish that had never happened. But without some or all of those changes I would not be where I am today.

Life is change; but not everything changes. I still have Finley’s sister Star. I still ride my motorcycle every day. I still have a job that I enjoy, even if no one else understands my enjoyment of the hours. I like the Graveyard shift, I would like Fridays or Saturdays off though.

Life is change; and change is good. I have come out of the closet as the polyamorous pansexual, and very kinky person that I have always been. I now have a wonderful woman in my life the kinky and very geeky Lady Panthera. Lady Panthera is married to Hub Panthera. They have a daughter the wonderful young lady Kub Panthera. Because of their roles in the vanilla world the Panthera's are in the closet about Poly as well as kink. So I will not be telling you much more about them. The Panthera's have recently opened their home to a young man (a friend of Kub's, I'll call Wolf Kub here and on twitter) with a problematic family.

Now for the latest and most important change, before the end of the year I will be moving into the Panthera’s home. This change will do several things for us, by combining our house holds it will lower all of our living expenses. It will also save my sanity. I have found that I do not live alone well; I need people around me. In less then two years my life has gone through some drastic changes. I have gone from being in a deeply closeted Service relationship to my wife and Dame, Kelly. To being in an a poly-switch relationship that is as open as it can be.

More poetry - untitled

Cheshire moon grinning in the sky,
My mind is else when; with you,
Grassy scent of rope fills the room,
Limbs straining against bindings,
Heat of your thighs holding me tight,
Your voice growling in my ear,
The sharp edge of teeth biting down,
The aching need

untitled

Woke by myself,
But I was not alone,
Her taste on my lips,
Her scent on my pillow,
By myself but not alone.

Rope

Lines taught across smooth skin.
Braid and knots, Burns and bites.
Pale flesh marked by crimson lines.
Muscles pull on unyielding cord.
I am here I can be no where else.
Your praise in my ear angels sing.

Leather

Surrender to the flame, last act of service.
Simple band, black leather, silver buckle.
Tag with the name you gave back to me.
Icon of our binding, gone with you to ash.

Ride

Dark pierced by beam of light,
Chill night streaming past.
Bike howling her one note song,
Felt through seat not heard.
Golden Earring crooning of love,
Leaning through a gentle turn.
Before the sun climbs the sky,
I will be warm in your arms.

Rain

I stand just out of the nights rain,
Silver darts in pools of yellow.
Your promise around my finger,
Is all I have to warm me.

Ligature Marks

IMAGE_066
Originally uploaded by C.A.Sizemore

Did I have fun? Yeah I had a lot of fun.

Saturday's fun

On Saturday Lee Harington taught two classes for TNG-AZ. The first was his Shibari You Can Use. I got tied up and was able tie someone else up, :-D lots of fun. I also bought Lee's book; by the same next two name which I just finished my first read through. The second class was on tickling, yeah, tickling that was even more fun.

After the classes was the play party, I saw lots of fun things I want to try; lashings with floggers and single tails, suspensions, fire play especially fire cupping. The fire cupping left some very pretty marks on the people’s backs.

Lots of fun! I will probably have to shave or wax my back before the fun with fire.

This was my first ever play party, I went only planning on watching and helping with clean up. My partner from the tickling class asked if I wanted to play. She wanted to more practice tying someone up and really liked my reaction to being tickled.
We borrowed some rope from another player and she tied me to a spanking bench. My hands tied together, then to the bench and my legs tied separately to the bench. She did a really good job. I thrashed around a lot!

Good thing that bench was heavy because I wound up sitting on the bench where I had been kneeling, at times the only thing holding me up were the ropes. I lost track of time being tickled. She was evil, ;-) using her hands, breath, and a feather; she had me laughing, giggling, and shrieking. From what I hear I was loud enough to be heard throughout the play space. :-) Oh my god that was way more fun then should be legal.

I had some really nice ligature marks on my wrists see the photo above. They faded rather quickly although my wrists still have a pleasant ache.

So on Sunday I went to Twisted Monks’ web site and placed my first order; a curiosity kit of two 5 meter lengths, and one 10 meter length of natural hemp, and one 5 meter length of the hemp dyed a glorious purple, as a fund raiser for Maori/Aids Life Cycle. I also ordered the Naughty Boys book and requested both sampler sets, next month I may be going to Rainbow Ropes for some MPF or some other rope.

Goodbye '08

First Christmases suck. No on a whole 2008 has sucked! From losing Kelly in May to my accident in October, ’08 has sucked a big one. That is not to say that 2008 did not have some good points. The Twitter Tribe coming together to help me out, becoming a voice on the radio with Slice of Sci-Fi, joining my writers group, starting Phoenix-Polys, and all of the great people I have meet. Deciding to be completely honest about who I am and what I want from life, (still working on that, I guess if I am ever lucky enough to have two partners in my life, I will have to be blatant about it with my family).

But, I would give it all up for one more day with Kelly……… (Nope, no Mephistopheles, yet and I will bargain much harder for my immortal soul ;-).

So what does all this mean; it’s just me bitching about how ’08 sucked and ’09 will hopefully be better. If I have met you or talked to you in that last year online or off please know that I am very grateful for your help. Even if you did not know it at the time you helped me more then you could know.

Blessed Be,
C. A. Sizemore